If I only knew better before...

Its hard on me now I have to say.I wasn't exactly the best twelve year-old kid in school last time.I wasn't appreciative of people around me then.My teacher,one I never took the time to appreciate passed away on Sunday.I've only talked to her about 3 times after primary 6.Casual talk.But I never apologized for my actions.Why?I thought the past is the past.Live the present like its a new.It never really occured to me then that I should mend some of my past doings that weren't good.I'm such a useless piece of shit now aren't I?Well,I think I deserve as much.

I've tried changing after that and I'm still learning.I just wish I knew better before.Temptation was so overwhelming before that I could never say no to things I knew I shouldn't have done.Late night parties before exams,rebelling against teachers,spending my money on branded items because I wanted to keep up with my friends.What was it all for??

NOTHING.

If only I could take things back.But we all know it will never happen.So I'm trying to get things off my shoulders now.I'm sorry.I knew I could have done something but I didn't.One word could have made you feel alot better but I didn't put myself to it to say it in front of you.I could only talk about it to people but I never brought myself to say it to you.You helped us so much and you even had to bear with us when you didn't like it.I am thankful.

But here's to you sincerely from my heart.Meeting you when I was in Form 1 and talking to you was all I did when I should have said I'm sorry.I talked to you about your students you were teaching.You told me they were delinquents like us before.All I did was laugh and say we're just kids.What the fuck was I thinking?I should have said something to make you feel better but I didn't.I was immature.And for that,I'm sorry as well.

I hope you see this though.I know I can't pour all my emotions out here now but I'll do it in prayers and I'll remember you.I've already appreciated more in life but you made me realize it more.Words can change something.

So here's to you.A post in your memory.Forgive us.Forgive me.Rest in peace.